Category Archives: FUNNY

GUYS POINT OF VIEW

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***Guy’s point of view***

 This is very cute! And even written by a guy!
 
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99% of girls don’t realize it ’til it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.
 
From a guys point of view:
We don’t care if you talk to other guys.
We don’t care if you’re friends with other guys.
But when you’re sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn’t help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re still there.
 
We don’t care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can’t wait till he morning.
 
Also, when we tell you you’re pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don’t tell us we’re wrong.We’ll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
 
Don’t be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON’T ‘FEEL BAD’
We enjoy doing it.
It’s expected.
Smile and say ‘thank you.’
 
Kiss us when no one’s watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody’s looking, we’ll be more impressed.
 
You don’t have to get dressed up for us.
If we’re going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
 
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
 
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
 
Don’t take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don’t get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
 
Don’t talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It’s boring, and we don’t care. You have girlfriends for that.
 
Whatever happened to the word ‘handsome’/’beautiful’.
 
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with ‘Hey handsome!’ instead of ‘Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy’ or whatever else you can think of.
 
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn’t like it ether.
 
Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN’T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON’T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
 
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you’re at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to look you in the eyes….and say ‘i love you’ ……….AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!
 
*****Give the nice guys a chance*****
 
Holdin Hands- Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
 Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
 
Cuddling- Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you’re cold. 
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
 
Movies- Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
 
Loving each other- Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into  her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too… And  mean it.
 
Laying below the stars- Girls : When you’re both laying under the stars, 
put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady 
heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now 
make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your  crush….

 guys: no grabbing!!!

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REUNITED: A Two-sided Poem

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I SAW HIM TODAY.

 

I saw her today.IT’S BEEN A WHILE.

It seems like centuries.

HE LOOKED OKAY.

I couldn’t stop staring at her.

WE TALKED FOR A WHILE.

She looked so fine.

HE KEPT LOOKING AT ME & I WONDERED WHY.

She wouldn’t look me in the eye & I wondered why.

HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS & I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY NEW BOYFRIEND.

She asked me if i had a girlfriend, & I told her I didn’t.

I PRETENDED LIKE I CARED.

I pretended like I didn’t care.

HE LOOKED DIFFERENT THAN HE USED TO.

She looked hotter than ever.

I GAVE HIM A FRIENDLY HUG GOODBYE.

We held each other one more time.

AND THEN I WENT SHOPPING.

& I asked my friends to join me in a red-horse drinking session & cried.

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Daddy’s Dating Rules (hahaha!!!!)

Rule 1:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

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Daddy’s Dating Rules

Rule 2:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule 3:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4:
I’m sure! You’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule 5:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”

Rule 6:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule 7:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiti! ng for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule 8:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.

Rule 9:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle- aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule 10:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimet! er password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

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THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR BF

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20 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE SLEEPING WITH A GUY

20 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE SLEEPING WITH A GUY

1. If he knows your last name, if he doesn’t don’t bother sleeping with him at all!

2. His name – his whole (real) name atleast, not just Mr. Luvva Boi from chat.

3. Whether he has a criminal record.

4. Whether he has a kid (Hey, it helps to know if he is capable of leaving you a lifetime souvenir, or not..).

5. That he doesn’t stock up on cartoon neckties/socks/boxers.  Tweety  Bird undies has no place on your bed.

6. That he doesn’t expect the venue to be a carpark… Even if he drives a FORD  EXPEDITION, & the two of you could roll in it like crazy.

7. That his former BOO – boiler EX doesn’t have access to his flat anymore.

8. Precisely where his webcam is (if he has any…).

9. His take on SAFE SEX & that doesn’t just mean crossing his fingers & hoping that he won’t get you knocked up!

10. If he’s the type to go call for breakfast deliveries, so the two of you can have breakfast together, or if he’ll just ignore you until you leave.

11. How he dances. This can tell a lot about how he, err…

12. That he doesn’t keep hardcore or sadistic porn mags by his bed.

13. That he doesn’t have a worrying obsession with knives, blades or guns.

14. Whether he’s likely to start sobbing his EX’s name in the throes of passion.

15. That he isn’t living with anyone who is likely to walk in on the two of you while you are doing the deed.

16. If he is planning on applying for PBB (Pinoy Big Brother) & revealing all about every woman he’s shared a bed with.

17. Whether there’s anything to worry about in his DVD collection – stalker or snuff movies, say.

18. How long it’s been since his last fling/gf (more than a few weeks… GOOD. Less than a day… BAD).

19. Whether he rates Hannibal Lecter as one of his heroes.

20. If he is married. 

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